


Easy To Leave. Harder to Go

by Yamaguchi_bae



Series: Bokuakakuroken Oneshots [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Crying, Depression, Everyone loves Kenma, Everything is just really messed up, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, OT4, Polyamory, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 16:53:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamaguchi_bae/pseuds/Yamaguchi_bae
Summary: "It was funny how easy it was to leave. Mentally it may have been a tough choice but physical there was nothing holding Kenma back. With Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi all being gone at work or at class, it was not hard to leave a note and walk out the door onto the dark, midnight streets of Tokyo."~or~Kenma doesn't think he is worth his boyfriends love anymore and does not want to hold them back.





	Easy To Leave. Harder to Go

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning to suicide and brief mentions of self harm and bullying.

It was funny how easy it was to leave. Mentally it may have been a tough choice but physical there was nothing holding Kenma back. With Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi all being gone at work or at class, it was not hard to leave a note and walk out the door onto the dark, midnight streets of Tokyo.

As Kenma's life continued to go down hill he didn't want to take them with him. He didn't want them to be upset. They could move on without him as they were all perfect without him anyways. They will be ok. They will be ok. Kenma kept telling this to himself over and over.

In a couple months the three will be good and happy again so for now he just had to keep walking on through the streets of Tokyo. His mind drifts off as he walks. Who will find him missing first? If it was Akaashi then he would immediately call the someone to try and find him, Kuroo would probably break down since they have never been apart more then 2 weeks, and Bo, he would probably freak out and not know what to do. 

Kenma snaps out of his thoughts. No they will all be better from him leaving an they will see this soon. It wouldn't be long before he was gone. He didn't want to think about it that way but it was true. They would no long have to worry about babysitting him and his anxiety and depression. No they wouldn't have to walk around him worried that he would snap and start to break down. 

He barely realized as a slow tear drop trickled down his face. Kenma quickly wiped it and hope no one had noticed him, not that there were many people out at this time in the night. He can't be caught while he was so far in. He didn't want them to have to worry about him more. 

Finally he was here, the place where he wishes to take his last breath. It was terrible how many times throughout middle and high school he was told to jump off this bridge because he was gay. Oh the famous Rainbow bridge. He wishes that he didn't have to give satisfaction to the kids who always told him to do this yet, it stuck in his head for so many years and now here he was. 

The tears where flowing down his face now to the point where he could not stop them. It was for the best, he thought over and over as he continued to walk down the bridge. He looked over the railing into the cool dark water below.

This was the first time today that he actually realized that he was ready to die. At the age of 20 he no long belonged on the Earth. His grip tightened on the rail as if it was the only life line he has left and in a way it was. This small piece of metal was the only think separating him from falling into the waters below. He pulled himself over them and sat on top of them. 

It was very cliché but he really looked back on his life. Honestly most of it was terrible. From when he was very small he was always pushed around and bullied. Scars on his body showed the torture that the bullies gave him and some he felt like he had to give to himself for the lack of self esteem they left behind. It was only over the last couple years that he has been getting some what better but yet Kuroo, Bokuto, and Akaashi were constantly looking over him. They always had to pull him out of bed and yell at him to take his pills. They would pull him along on dates to places he would have never gone before. They were always taking care of him.

The screeching of tires behind him snapped him out of his thoughts and almost sent him into the water below. He know what was happening yet he didn't want to turn around. He didn't want to have them witness his sad pitiful death. "Kenma, please", Kuroo says behind him. He can tell that it is him from just how calming his voice is. 

He turned slowly and looked back at them all standing there. All of their eyes glued to him as they weeped. It was like his mind stopped working as he turned into a statue. It wasn't long until the uneven breaths came out and more tears and jumbled up words began to spill out form his mouth. 

Kuroo took a small step forward as if testing the waters. Once he saw the Kenma didn't react he ran up and grabbed Kenma off the bar, hoping he would not fall off from shaking to much. Kuroo keep one hand supporting Kenma and the other wrapped in his  hair. He could feel Akaashi's small hand wiping away his tears as he quietly whispered that everything was going to be ok. Bo came up from behind and helped hold him as he cried into Kenma's sweatshirt. 

"Let's go home or at least away from here", Kuroo said quietly as he slowly moved away from the group with Kenma in his arms. They all filed into the car with Akaashi driving and the rest of them in the back seat. Kenma refused to let go of Kuroo as he kept crying and trying to form a sentence. "I can't. . . Better off. . . Please, I don't", he said as he stuttered out words. Bo stopped, "Ken, our lives with you are perfect. You are not better of dead. We all will do everything we can to make sure that you know that." He tried to reply, he tried to tell them that he wasn't worth all of this but between his crying and uneven breaths he couldn't and instead just let the tears start to flow harder down his face.

It wasn't long until they pulled into the driveway of their apartment. Akaashi parked the car and slowly took a deep breath. "Everything ended ok. It is all ok." He said as he began to cry. He looked back at Kenma and smiled, "You're ok for right now. You are safe, that is what matters." 

They all just sat there for a couple minutes crying. With everything that they just went through who could blame them. "Do you want to go upstairs kitten?" Kuroo asked quietly into his hair. Kenma nodded but did not attempt to move out of Kuroo's arms. Kuroo slowly move away from his crying boyfriend and open the door of the car and step out. Kenma slowly followed but with a single step outside the door fell to the ground. "Hey, you okay?" Kuroo asked as he rushed to Kenma's side. He didn't want to babysat but yet he can't do anything right now other then cry. He is such a child, a worthless pathetic child. He tried to get up again but just ended up stumbling into Kuroo's arms. 

"I got you kitten" he said as he grabbed Kenma and carried him like bride. Bo and Akaashi slowly followed behind them as they watched worriedly as if any movement they make could end in disaster. Once at the door, Kuroo open it as they forgot to lock it on the way out. "It is late, we should all just ready for bed now." Kuroo said as he set Kenma on the couch. "I will go get you some pjs, Ken" Bo said as he walked down the hallways of their apartment. 

Through the crying he could barely remember it but in a what felt like a couple seconds he was in his Pjs and laying bed with the others. He was carefully tucked into Kuroo's chest. It felt warm and familiar, and for the first time in a while he stopped crying and fell asleep. 

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Kenma woke up to Kuroo squeezing him a little too tight. His month felt dry and his stomach felt almost sick from not eating the day before hand. His body its self just felt completely off and terrible. He pried his way out of Kuroo's grasp and quietly opened the door. 

He walked into their kitchen and began to climb on the counters so he could get a glass. He hated how high Kuroo and Bo put they put them up in the cabinets. His foot almost slipped on a paper below him and he ended up dropping the, thankfully plastic cup. After jumping down off of the cabinets, he looked down at the little note on the table.

I'm not worth you guys. You all have to take care of me yet I do nothing for you.   
I'm sorry that you guys have had to babysit me so much.  
Kuro, Bo, and Aka I hope you can get over this sooner then later.   
Please help each other. I love you.   
~kitten

"Kitten, you good?" Kuroo asked as he came into the kitchen rubbing his eyes. He looked at Kenma's pained expression and the note then back at him. "You know what", Kuroo said and for a moment Kenma flinched as Kuroo grabbed the letter. He went to the cabinets and quickly found the lighter. "We can't erase what happened, kitten and we still need to talk about this but for now would you like to do the honors", he said as he handed Kenma the lighter. 

Kenma nodded and took the paper over to the sink. With a second of lighting the lighter the paper went up in flames and he dropped it in the sink. Kuroo turned on the sink and let it run. "Feel better now kitten?" He asked. "I do actually", Kenma whispered, "I do."

"Now let's get you something to eat the you can sleep and we will talk in the morning", Kuroo said as he bopped his noes. "Got any apple pie?" Kenma asked with a small laugh. Kuroo smiled, "Yeah, I'm sure I can do that for my kitten."

**Author's Note:**

> Well that was quite interesting. You have any requests for the next oneshot just comment below but warning that I will not do smut because I don't want to kill you all with the cringe of how little I know. 
> 
> Until next time people. I hope you have a good day!


End file.
